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For many who know me, this statement might seem like a stretch:

I am an optimist.

Yes, maybe a sarcastic one, but an optimist, nonetheless.

I’m not blind, or stupid. I understand that the world is not a perfect place. I don’t try to paint any pictures rosier or brighter than they actually are.

But I believe in the capability of people to affect positive change. I think I might even have to believe this. Because I, myself, want to affect it.

In the past few months, however, I’ve been exceptionally frustrated. In particular, with the state of the school, and the industry, that I am currently a part of.

I never believed that advertising would be a love fest, or fair in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I entered this industry in part because I saw so many problems with it. Advertising, whether you like it or not, is probably the most effective form of communication we currently have. I figured, why not do my part to make it a little less false, condescending, and all-around wasteful? I’m just one person, but I saw an opportunity to make an impact on an industry in desperate need of some fresh thinking.

Unsurprisingly, I don’t find myself fitting easily into this industry. I’m having trouble assimilating. Actually, I’m going into it kicking and screaming, pretty much trying to avoid assimilation at all costs. Because, as I’ve found, assimilation often means compromise. And not the nice, fair “I’ll listen to you, you listen to me, we’ll make each other better people as a result” kind. The nasty, losing sight of who I am and all morals that I’ve always upheld kind. Which I’m not comfortable with in the slightest.

I realize that I’m skirting a lot of issues here. So, for those who aren’t a part of this industry, I speak specifically of compromise including: Letting myself be marginalized and scrutinized because of my gender; selling out said gender in ads objectifying members of it; selling addictive substances through concepts like “binge drinking to cut loose”; pitching ideas intended to drive money to non-transparent organizations with bad reputations for exploiting the people they’re supposed to be helping; and, most recently, chipping away at my own optimism and succumbing, slowly, to cynicism.

I’m not okay with any of these things, but the last one may be the worst. Because if I lose my optimism, I lose my morals and my convictions. When that happens, doing all of those other things becomes much easier, and I, as a result, become part of the problem instead of part of the solution. And that was the whole point in the beginning, wasn’t it? To be part of the solution?

So now, I find myself at an impasse. In seven months, I’ll be leaving this school and I’ll need to make a decision.

Do I still want to try and affect change from within the system, or do I give up on it all together?